Hmm.
Yes. It has been quite a while since my little affair hasn't it? Oh i imagine three weeks have come and gone already. In fact, yes it has. All felt like mere minutes that amount to a total of a day. Very interesting how time seems to stop suddenly when in reality nights are the epitome of day's past... lonely nights, to be further specific.

But i am alright. Have been better in some respects, I have been worse in all my hindrance that comes to mind, but mostly stable. Ever since my fright of being exiled from this house the other night, I have been stable because of you Robbin. And I thank you for this. No one but you could've really helped me and given me something worth living for. My current state is because of you. Granted it's not the full height of worth, but it'll build again.

Memories are just flooding my mind is all. Memories but no feelings. Feelings have come and gone already to my surprise. I guess I am just good at forgetting things, or perhaps suppressing things. I mostly remember...how good I felt. Happy, I think is the right word to categorize the feeling. I am stable. Does stable fall into the same category as happiness? Of course not. But it's a start. A mere step in the right direction.

In all respects, I don't really see the point in drawing anymore. All I can think about is sleep. I hardly sleep. So many hours in the darkness, too little time for dreams. Dreams were my reality sometimes. That was long ago, I remember. When I could smile happily, when I could roam free. But i was never free. Looking at my restrictions, I was not or ever was I free. I guess you were right, I guess you were right. freedom, i'm discovering is not my right. Freedom is not made for a slave like me.

But a slave to what? A slave to my obligations of course!

At the current moment, I offer apologies to people. To Meagan, to Robbin, to each and all of my dearest friends whom I neglected, abused and have taken advantage of during my period of difficulty... I really had no right to treat you as badly as I did...nor did I have the right to use you as I did. For this, I have received my punishment--only as a reminder to never, ever do this again. It was not a light punishment. It was a punishment that which hurt very badly--physically and emotionally. I can only hope it was enough to have you forgive me.

Go by, mad world.